Tag Archives: trust

quick update

CD9

okay – so AF arrived as expected…

and surprisingly – i did not even shed a tear… i came close at one point.. but really didn’t experience anytime of emotional breakdown. which, considering that cycle was the last clomid cycle, is surprising.

i do not know how to explain it – but, i am at peace. i even forgot to take my prenatal vitamin a few times, have had coffee without freaking myself out…i am just living…

i feel that i am slowly but surely letting go and releasing this to God.

i am a little nervous about this cycle, only because (Testing my¬†patience/faith” href=”https://ttcinfaith.wordpress.com/2011/04/25/testing-my-patiencefaith/”>as you may remember) before my first cycle on clomid i had to go on provera in order to force AF to arrive – which was probably caused by a lack of ovulation…

at the moment, we’re just taking things slow and seeing what happens – with persistent prayers for a healthy natural cycle. DH mentioned the possibility of doing IUI sooner rather than later, in the hopes of becoming successfully PG in time for my mom to be able to meet a new grandbaby when she visits next year… but i’m not sure yet…

i am in such a good, positive place – the thought of all the monitoring and “hoo-ha” that comes with fertility treatments, i’m not sure i want to disrupt my current emotional happiness.

so – here we are…

i am not even using OPKs this month – we’re just going to try to stick to a good BD routine and monitor whether ovulation occures with my bbt chart. oh – and i’ll go for a massage every week until ovulation occurs i think. i went for one during the week of ovulation last cycle – and i think it helped keep me relaxed for my 2WW.

i’ll let you know how we do.

hope this finds each of you well and happy!!

trust issues

CD24

9DPO

so, i’m almost through with my 2WW… not feeling as crazy¬†as i usually feel… have no symptoms, phantom or real. but i have had some mild cramping, so i am expecting AF to show her face – hopefully this time she will wait until AFTER the wedding i am attending this weekend (2 months ago she arrived during the reception of a friends wedding). that is – of course- if she has to arrive at all.

 

i feel pretty at peace about this cycle – but i have felt that way in the past, and then when AF arrives – it all goes to hell and i just fall apart as usual. but, i am hoping and praying that this time, the peace is for real and it lasts. i have nothing left to lose – and i’m at the point where all i can do is let go and trust God.

i got a hair cut this afternoon – quite a drastic change…but loving it. i feel like it’s lifted my spirits – like, shedding all my hair has been symbolic of me shedding all the pain and fear of the past year or so… and i am ready for whatever the future holds for us.

don’t get me wrong — i am still a bitter infertile… but i’m feeling a bit more like myself and i feel like i can take on whatever the future holds with a positive attitude.

i read this on someone’s blog or something a few weeks ago –

‘if we can trust God with eternity, then we can trust Him with our now’

i am trying to remember that everyday and learning to let go and trust…