Tag Archives: ovulation

quick update

CD9

okay – so AF arrived as expected…

and surprisingly – i did not even shed a tear… i came close at one point.. but really didn’t experience anytime of emotional breakdown. which, considering that cycle was the last clomid cycle, is surprising.

i do not know how to explain it – but, i am at peace. i even forgot to take my prenatal vitamin a few times, have had coffee without freaking myself out…i am just living…

i feel that i am slowly but surely letting go and releasing this to God.

i am a little nervous about this cycle, only because (Testing my patience/faith” href=”https://ttcinfaith.wordpress.com/2011/04/25/testing-my-patiencefaith/”>as you may remember) before my first cycle on clomid i had to go on provera in order to force AF to arrive – which was probably caused by a lack of ovulation…

at the moment, we’re just taking things slow and seeing what happens – with persistent prayers for a healthy natural cycle. DH mentioned the possibility of doing IUI sooner rather than later, in the hopes of becoming successfully PG in time for my mom to be able to meet a new grandbaby when she visits next year… but i’m not sure yet…

i am in such a good, positive place – the thought of all the monitoring and “hoo-ha” that comes with fertility treatments, i’m not sure i want to disrupt my current emotional happiness.

so – here we are…

i am not even using OPKs this month – we’re just going to try to stick to a good BD routine and monitor whether ovulation occures with my bbt chart. oh – and i’ll go for a massage every week until ovulation occurs i think. i went for one during the week of ovulation last cycle – and i think it helped keep me relaxed for my 2WW.

i’ll let you know how we do.

hope this finds each of you well and happy!!

and the final round goes to….

infertility?

CD29 / CD1 (we’ll see how the day ends)

when i wrote my last post – some stuff was happening, and because i didn’t want to jinx anything, i didn’t write/blog about it. i needn’t have worried.

so – on thursday (at 11DPO) my temperature dipped below my coverline (which was kinda high this month for some reason). for those of you who have no idea what that means … i will try to explain.

at the beginning of your cycle your body is producing estrogen, and this makes your bbt (basal body temperature – basically your body temperature at rest) lower at the beginning of your cycle.

once ovulation occurs, your body begins to produce progesterone, so your bbt will rise significantly the morning after ovulation occurs (your temperature has to stay high for three consecutive days to confirm ovulation and to make sure the temperature rise is because of the hormones and not because of environmental factors or illness etc).

once your temp has risen and stayed high, you can determine what your “coverline” temperature is – this is the temperature that divides your low temps and your high temps.

some people experience a temp dip below their coverline at implantation – around 10dpo. but then your temperature will rise again and stay above your coverline. right before af arrives, your temp will significantly drop (due to the lack of progesterone and the beginning of a new cycle and the production of estrogen again).

okay – for those of you who have stuck it out and now that the bbt lesson is over…

so, like i said, on thursday at 11dpo, my temperature dipped below the coverline, and because it was too early for af (cd26) i thought that maybe it was implantation, and cue obsession…

i had been 100% not obsessed this cycle (as i wrote in my previous post) and felt kinda neutral about this cycle – but once there was a possible implication of implantation, i began to obsess a little and was hopeful again…

then – the next morning (12dpo) my temperature was exactly the same. so – i consulted dr google – apparently two day implantation dips are more common than you’d think. so – i clung to that hope.

after the third morning of this same temperature – fertility friend (the website and app i use to chart my bbt) lowered my coverline. apparently the few higher temps i had before ovulation were random high temps and therefore my coverline had been predicted too high.

so – i kind of lost some hope – but hey – having no implantation dip was better than having af on her way…

lo and behold – this morning (CD29, 14DPO) my temperature dipped 0.9 degrees Fahrenheit; way below my coverline. which means that af will show up within the next 24 hours or so.

now i can no longer completely trust my bbt chart – although at the end of the day, the bbt chart is the most accurate record of what my body is doing – i cannot obsess over anything that it indicates… except that significant rise after ovulation, and the significant drop before af.

i am disappointed – especially since we really timed things well this month…

however, i don’t feel like i’m going to fall apart this time. i am really finding peace in my faith and letting go and letting God.i am okay with waiting… and it really is not the end of the world.

i have not been diagnosed with any fertility problems, neither has DH – so we have no reason to doubt. granted, we haven’t been tested for problems – but until we do – we really shouldn’t be stressed out or worried about whether or not it’s going to happen for us. we just need to continue timing things right and if we still have trouble after about a year of “good timing” – then we will go and get checked out and possibly try some fertility treatments. that is, unless i have issues ovulating again without the clomid, since this month was my last dose.

so – if you pray, please pray that my body cooperates and functions effectively without the medication- specifically i need to ovulate.

if you don’t pray – please just keep us in your thoughts and send some positive energy our way in a couple of weeks! 🙂

i’m so very excited for a wonderful woman of faith who recently got her BFP… please keep her in your thoughts/prayers also – just pray for a happy and healthy pregnancy that sticks! You can read her story here.

i am going to return to twitter for the day – then i am likely going to delete my twitter account… i’m using google+ now, under my real name – so if you’re on google+ and would like to connect on there – let me know and i’ll email you my real name. 🙂 i will still keep updated on everyone’s journeys via blogs.

one step at a time

the couple that i have blogged about here and here had their baby…

now – i am not a bad person (i do not believe so anyway), and i try not speak badly of others (slander, etc) but … for the purpose of my sanity (and to maybe give fertile people some insight into how those struggling feel, etc) i am going to share what that day was like for me…

i am not sure if i am the only one who does this – but, even though i knew it was going to be difficult for me – i constantly checked facebook to see updates of the birth of this baby…

i do not like to be upset by it all … i do not want to feel sorry for myself … then why do i do it? i had previously blocked updates from this couple, to spare the heartache… but then i was in a good place, and unblocked them…

perhaps, this curiosity stemmed from the need to know that everything went well (i was praying for her)…

whatever the reason – i was checking facebook…

however – i got a lot more than i bargained for… she updated during labor to share how dilated she was, and an image of the baby was posted on facebook for the world to see within minutes of her birth….

am i the only one who thinks this is INSANE? i’m not going to go into what i think exactly, because i really don’t like to “put people down” … but… really?

anyways…

last night i checked facebook – to see a pic that ‘the dad’ put on facebook of the baby’s footprints… i realized that he has a daughter… and (for the second time that day actually) i felt the tears coming…

i left the room – to “do some school work” have a good cry… (i didn’t want dh to see me) and remembered that i hadn’t done an opk yet…so i poas and went to my office to set up my laptop to do school work convince dh that i was just going to do some work… when he went to the bathroom…

when he came out, he had a grin on his face… i asked him if there was a smiley face… and he said yes- i didn’t believe him… but…..

yes!!! it was positive!!! I was BEYOND excited… (i got a little glimpse into what it might feel like to get a bfp preg. test)… i even took a photo… yes… of a positive ovulation test…. (please don’t judge me)…

so.. not only did i ovulate… but dh and i did a great job of sticking to the bd-schedule this week!!

even if we don’t get our bfp this cycle…

  • af arrived on her own
  • af arrived on CD28 – well, it was CD1 of course…but you know what i mean
  • i ovulated!!!

next step – fertilization and implantation…. but – either way, i praise God for these small (actually kinda big) victories!!

and so…my two week wait begins!! (the first one where i am sure the opk was +, bec it was digital…so, i feel like it’s my first real 2ww!!)

p.s.: i have also been trying to put on weight… i am 5′ 4″ and weighed 110lbs…. slightly underweight… so i’ve been drinking a shake everyday to help me gain some weight, and i’ve been trying to eat more,etc… this is not the first time i’ve tried to put on weight, and i’ve never had any luck… but – i weighed myself this evening… 116lbs! woohoo!! 🙂 apparently – you need body fat to produce estrogen.. so it’s important to have a little body fat in order to conceive… so- i am very excited to have put on some weight!

>Another disappointing month

>Period cramps and symptoms are uncomfortable annoyances. But for those TTC, they are constant reminders of an empty womb.

This month had it’s ups and downs, as most months. It was the first month that we tried ovulation tests… (as I mentioned in my previous post). It was also the first month in a while that DH and I tried to up the baby dancing to every other day… which was supposed to make our chances of conceiving higher – along with the ovulation tests. But, it became a way for me to try and control an uncontrollable situation – the tiny thread of hope that I clung to with my life! Not good.

I lost it a few times… but, after ovulating late I was overcome with this sense of peace and acceptance. I’ve even been able to listen to songs that I usually avoid like the plague… one in particular that I have never been able to listen to without balling my eyes out – Matthew West’s ‘Safe and Sound’ you can hear it here. I have been so strong… and not by force or anything, just a calm sense of peace and acceptance. Even so, AF rears her ugly head and I want to curl up into a ball and just weep.

It’s such a cruel thing – AF brings with it emotions that we can’t always control, and when you’re TTC, these uncontrollable emotions do not help with the coping.

I have accepted that God’s timing is perfect, and one day I will look back at this time, with my baby in my arms (or toddler…bec it may take a while) and realize that my unanswered prayers were a gift and part of a bigger, better plan… (Garth Brook’s song helped me to truly understand that… you can hear it here).

However, I still feel sad and disappointed. Especially when I know that The Couple are moving along in their pregnancy and will, understandably, continue to share their excitement… and when I see our two years TTC anniversary coming up… and when I think back to last Christmas and how we said that we would have a baby to share this Christmas with…

Anyways… that’s what our month has been like… onto the next one I suppose!
I’m praying for that strength and peace to overcome me once again…

>Deep breaths

>Okay, this is my first personal post – which is not a letter to our unborn child of the future….

I don’t like to complain about other people, but as anyone who has been TTC for years knows – sometimes it’s necessary; in order to hold onto a shred of sanity.

The couple I mentioned in my previous letter is now almost 2.5 months or 3 months along… and it’s already very difficult to be around them.
It is super frustrating, because it makes me so sad, among other things… but mostly – I’m jealous! Which is not right, because I know God has a plan for us!

I am currently in CD27 … I am so grateful for ovulation tests because we used them for the first time this month, and lo and behold – I ovulated a week late… so although I am “three-days-late” for AF… I know that in fact I am due for an AF a week later than I should have been. This will be the third time I am “late” for over a week… so I am super grateful for the tests, because otherwise I’d be dying to POAS!

I wonder why I have ovulated late… the first time was over 18 months ago… and the second time was 3 months ago… (Well, I don’t know that I ovulated late those times, but I was 10/14 days late each time and then AF came along).

Anyways… I am not feeling too emotional at the moment. I’m hoping to avoid the AF-meltdown this month. As always – preparing for the worst, but hoping and praying for the best! 🙂

Baby dust to all those TTC out there! 🙂