difficult lessons

[for those who don’t know…my sil read my last post and we have since spoken about everything and sorted everything out]

i don’t often give advice to those who read my blog…but, i’m about to

we are so used to people being ignorant and not understanding what we’re feeling, or going through, that we often dont even take the time to share our experiences honestly and allow them the opportunity to learn and grow from our pain.

if someone in your life says something off hand that hurts your feelings — especially if it is someone you really care about…. rather than brush it off (and heaven forbid… vent about it on twitter and your blog)…. why not try to help the person understand how their comment makes you feel.

you don’t have to do it immediately… especially if you’re too upset to deal with it in a positive manner…

but, don’t just assume that the person doesn’t care, or assume that it would upset them if you spoke to them about what they said.

at the end of the day – you could help someone else better understand infertility…and at the end of the day…isn’t that all we want? for others to just “get it”… (and of course to get pregnant…we want that too)

it’s the one thing i know we are grateful for… with regard to what this journey has given us — perspective, understanding, and compassion. well – we shouldn’t be selfish and we shouldn’t try to make that enlightenment exclusive…we should be trying to spread the knowledge and understanding… to help as many people – fertile, infertile, undecided – “get it” as possible. [i realize that not everyone will accept what we have to say… but we should at least try]

i truly regret being afraid to say anything to my PG SIL about how her comment hurt me. she totally “gets it” now… what i should have done is referred her to this blog, so she could get a real sense of where i am at…and now i know, if she ever says anything that is upsetting, i can 100% go to her and point out how it makes me feel. the lines of communication are now wide open, and i’m so grateful…now i have another person on my side…another person who really gets it and is there for me all the way! (she always was… but now she can be there for me the way i need her to be, because she knows where i’m coming from now, and i know that i can talk to her about it openly and honestly – without hurting her feelings or upsetting her).

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2 responses to “difficult lessons

  1. An excellent point–one that I think many of us forget too often. I’m so glad you sorted things out with your SIL.

  2. fantastic insight. I’m of the same mind. I talk so much about my losses and struggles people find me “preachy” at times. I could care less, because at the end of the day I know I’m educating people about this subject, which people can be so incredibly insensitive about. Whenever someone tells me to “relax”, instead of getting mad, I take the time to point out why “relaxing” doesn’t do anything when it comes to IF or RPL. In short – better to make people uncomfortable for a minute, but educate them, then to go through life in silent suffering.

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