Letting Go


i can’t believe i have gone through a whole cycle without blogging… and yes – that also means that i did not get overly obsessed!

now – I have had a lot on mind in the ttc/IF department, so i’m going to do something that Mo would love! i’m going to do a bulleted list of the things i’ve had on my mind.

  • i am coming up to my last year of my degree… which will mean that in about a year from now, i will begin student teaching, for 3 months… without being paid.
  • getting pregnant between now and then would make things quite difficult and complicated… however – we still want to be pregnant sooner, rather than later – we are not going on a ttc break.
  • because the timing wouldn’t be great right now, we are also not looking into going to an RE… we want to be pregnant, but the rush and urgency is no longer there…
  • for right now, we’re going to try and get our bd timing right…also, that way – if we do need to see an RE in the future, we know that we really need to
  • i say this, because i’ve been feeling like i have grabbed a hold of the infertility label without any real “proof” of fertility issues.
  • i still the same frustrations and pain that the women in the IF community feel…however, i have not had any miscarriages (thank God), i do not have a diagnosis (fine – maybe i would have one if i actually went to an RE…but as of now, i don’t), i’ve only recently started tracking my cycle, so who knows whether our timing has been right all these years…
  • i clung to being a victim because it matched my feelings…i felt like a victim of infertility… i was (and still am) angry that so many others were getting pregnant so easily while i have wanted to be pregnant for so long… i became frustrated by all the useless advice i was being given… i felt like we were doing everything right but getting no results
  • phew…that was difficult to admit
okay, so that’s where we are at… we are still trying…but i am no longer obsessing – so much in fact, that i am not drinking the right amount of water daily (before i would feel horribly guilty if i did not drink enough water..thinking it could be a reason for our struggles), i am drinking as much coffee as i like (i still want to give up caffeine again, for general health purposes), i am no long POAS (opk’s or hpt’s), and i constantly forget to take my prenatal multivitamin (again, i used to feel super guilty for forgetting, so much so that i would get out of bed to take it if i realized i had forgotten).
i am still tracking my bbt… and we are trying to time our bding right, so we can figure out if that has been our issue in the past. and, so that if we decide to see an RE, it can be with confidence that we need help…right now, i do not feel that we have given it enough effort on our own.
there it is…
where we are at right now…

3 responses to “Letting Go

  1. It sounds like you’re on the right path. The more information you have the better. Keep at it, and good for you for taking it easy on yourself!

  2. Pingback: a fond farewell | Waiting for our miracle

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