trust issues

CD24

9DPO

so, i’m almost through with my 2WW… not feeling as crazy as i usually feel… have no symptoms, phantom or real. but i have had some mild cramping, so i am expecting AF to show her face – hopefully this time she will wait until AFTER the wedding i am attending this weekend (2 months ago she arrived during the reception of a friends wedding). that is – of course- if she has to arrive at all.

 

i feel pretty at peace about this cycle – but i have felt that way in the past, and then when AF arrives – it all goes to hell and i just fall apart as usual. but, i am hoping and praying that this time, the peace is for real and it lasts. i have nothing left to lose – and i’m at the point where all i can do is let go and trust God.

i got a hair cut this afternoon – quite a drastic change…but loving it. i feel like it’s lifted my spirits – like, shedding all my hair has been symbolic of me shedding all the pain and fear of the past year or so… and i am ready for whatever the future holds for us.

don’t get me wrong — i am still a bitter infertile… but i’m feeling a bit more like myself and i feel like i can take on whatever the future holds with a positive attitude.

i read this on someone’s blog or something a few weeks ago –

‘if we can trust God with eternity, then we can trust Him with our now’

i am trying to remember that everyday and learning to let go and trust…

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